


To Forgive

by OniZenmaru



Series: Tales of a Ghoulish Life [3]
Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Blood and Gore, Crossover, M/M, Spoilers, cannibalism mention, the usual Tokyo Ghoul warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 08:59:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2382569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OniZenmaru/pseuds/OniZenmaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alvin had no right to stand by Jude’s side, not after what he’s done</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Forgive

Alvin was scum...because he was one of the people responsible for ruining Jude's life.

For a while, Alvin lived recklessly, not caring who he fought or who he devoured. After witnessing his mother be killed by the Doves, and in turn killing the Dove that had taken her life, he felt empty and numb. He wanted some kind of purpose, so when his uncle offered him a job at the age of 26, he gladly took it despite his raging hate for the man.

Through his uncle, he was introduced to a man named Dr. Mathis, and from what he understood from the overly complicated explanation, the doctor was involved with experimenting on ghouls and humans. It was weird, but that was as far as Alvin's concern went. He didn't care what the man was doing, he just wanted to get the job over and done with. 

Upon receiving a photo of a kid, probably no more than 15, he was given his instructions: he was to cause an 'accident' bad enough that the kid ended up in the hospital. His second task was to monitor their condition after being released, and Alvin felt more annoyed than suspicious. Following a human brat around didn't exactly sound exciting, but Alvin agreed regardless.

He never once questioned _why_ they had wanted him to do something so seemingly random.

Causing the accident had been fairly easy; the kid had gotten out of school late, and with him walking alone and completely oblivious to the world, Alvin had easily stab him in the back with his kagune. Alvin did it twice before flinging the boy a little distance away, and his screams had been enough to alert passerby's that something was wrong. Alvin disappeared before he could be seen, and he couldn't help but feel sorry for humans and their frail bodies.

His observations don't begin until a month later when the kid was released, and right away Alvin noticed that he smelled different. It was unnerving as all Hell, but he continued watching the boy. He became annoyed when his target didn't come out of their apartment for two days straight, and it really didn't take much for Alvin to break the locks on the front door.

Once inside, he found the place to be a complete mess; books and random scraps of paper were scattered around the floor, and as he walked further in, he found the small kitchen littered with food. He found the boy huddled up in a corner in his room, a blanket wrapped tightly around him, shaking. Alvin decided to act like a good person and ask if he was all right, and as soon as he crouched down, the boy lunged at him, his teeth sinking into the flesh of his arm. 

Alvin knew the kid had been human, he had seen it, he had _smelled_ it, _so why the Hell did he suddenly have a kakugan?_ Or better yet, why did he only have one? He managed to knock the kid out, and once he gathered himself, he knew he'd need the kid to be lucid if he wanted answers. So, Alvin brought him some food from the coffee shop a few blocks away, and even in his unconscious state, the boy devoured all of it.

When he finally did come to, the kid asked what had happened, Alvin told him that he had lost control due to hunger. His words seemed to trigger something in the poor boy, because the next thing Alvin knew, he was losing his shit. The boy held his head and muttered repeatedly that he had turned into a monster, and the mere mention of the word 'monster' annoyed Alvin greatly. But he managed to push his annoyance aside and explain just what being a ghoul would mean for the kid.

It was just the basics: he couldn’t eat human food, though coffee was fine, and if he didn’t want to hunt humans, there was a café down a few blocks away that would gladly give him food for free. Alvin intended to leave after his short explanation, but before he could, a hand grabbed onto his wrist. He was asked to stay, and Alvin figured that observing the kid up close was better than stalking him, so he agreed. It was during his stay that he learned the kid’s name, and Alvin once again questioned just what exactly he’d been asked to do.

_Jude Mathis_

When he demanded answers from Dr.Mathis, the man merely said that his son was the most compatible for procedure, but Alvin didn’t miss the way his jaw clenched as he spoke. All of it was just too goddamn surreal; granted he knew of a one-eyed ghoul who worked at the cafe he visited frequently (whose brother was scarily protective of him), but that was completely different. He had never heard of a human turning into a ghoul, but Alvin had gotten himself in too deep, so there was no way he could back out.

Alvin decided to keep close to Jude, and all the while he managed to lean a thing or two about the kid. For one, Jude wasn’t 15, but _18_ , and commented that it was fairly common for people to think that he was still in high school. He had been studying to become a doctor, but with his ‘condition’, he hadn’t been sure if he could continue. Alvin explained that it was quite possible for ghouls to live in human society, but every time he mentioned that Jude was a ghoul, the kid would shut him down quickly.

Other than Jude’s occasional declaration of his humanity (usually when he was hungry), he wasn’t all that bad to be around. The kid was easy to tease, and Alvin would willingly admit that being around him made his day better. It took three months for Alvin to notice the way Jude looked at him, and another three for the kid to act on his emotions. He was surprised at first; he never expected Jude to pin him against the wall of his apartment, their lips coming to meet in a rough, sloppy matter. Things became heated rather quickly after that, and it isn’t until he’s lying next to Jude’s sleeping figure that he realizes just how absolutely fucked up everything is.

Alvin carefully removes himself from the bed, his feet taking him straight into the bathroom. Leaning over the sink, he turns on the tap and splashes a bit of water on his face. He refuses to look at himself in the mirror for a few seconds, but when he does, Alvin can’t help but feel disgusted. Staring back at him is the face of a man who had taken part in the ruining an innocent kid’s life, and that same kid had come to love him because Alvin is a lying piece of shit. The hatred he feels towards himself is unbearable.

“God ** _dammit_**!” He spits out, and he doesn’t even flinch when his fist collides with the mirror.

It doesn’t hurt one bit, and honestly, Alvin wishes it did. He wishes the shards had pieced his skin, just so he could feel some kind of pain for what he’s done to Jude. When he hears footsteps behind him, he’s not surprised, because with his shouting combined with the sound of shattered glass, he’d would’ve been more surprised if Jude _hadn’t_ woken up.

“Is...everything okay?” Jude asks, and his voice is small, unsure.

Instead of saying anything, Alvin turns around, and he takes a few steps before falling to his knees. He wraps his arms around Jude’s waist, and he buries his face in his shirt as he holds him tight. He doesn’t deserve to hold Jude like this, doesn’t deserve to feel the gentle caress of the boy’s fingers through his hair.

“This is all my fault, I’m so sorry, Jude...”

“It’s just a mirror, Alvin, it can be replaced.”

He opens his mouth to tell Jude that, no, he isn’t talking about the mirror, he’s talking about his screwed up life. However, Alvin is a _coward_ ; he knows damn well that if he told the truth, Jude would leave him without question. Even if it’s a relationship built on terrible lies, he’s still happy, and that’s something he hasn’t been in a long time. So he swallows the words that would expose him for the scum that he is, and merely grins up at Jude.

“Yeah, my bad, I’ll buy a new one tomorrow.”


End file.
